Many of us have had phases in life when circumstances made us act dishonestly and with insincerity; whatsoever may have been the reasons, our dishonesty and insincerity always weigh upon minds and hearts which are basically honest. But over a period of time, it so happens that the easy way out becomes a habit with some people and then dishonesty and insincerity become a way of life. For those who are basically honest, these aberrations in their behaviour weigh heavily upon their minds and fill them with guilt.
Even those who get initiated into spirituality and have been blessed with a living Guru as their spiritual guide, they too find it difficult to get rid of their insincerity. But such people are living in a delusional world and are only fooling themselves. One’s spiritual practice whether in collectivity or alone has to be done sincerely for its benefits to flow.
For one to get over this sense of guilt and this kind of behaviour one has to accept that one is dishonest and insincere. Just remain with the feeling that one has been insincere, that is enough. It has a tremendous capacity cleanse and purify. Just remain with the feeling that “I have been insincere, I have been dishonest”, that “I am insincere” — do not try to do anything about it. If one does so, then that too would be insincere, as one would be trying to create a good image about oneself. One’s ego is hurting because one has been insincere.
Just being aware of the fact is purifying, don’t do anything about it, as that will be premature. Just live with the idea that one is insincere. Just living with the very idea, the very awareness will kill the ego completely. The ego cannot remain alive if one thinks one is insincere, the ego needs a clean, good image, of a sincere person!
One’s insincerity has been highlighted during meditation, now the ego is in danger of death. The difficult thing to practice is being alert to this insincerity. Don’t try to change it, just observe it, just witness — then it will change of its own accord.
When change comes, it is not because we are doing something about it, that change comes from God, our soul which is eternal and pure, that change will come from within — consider it God’s blessing, His gift. All one’s doing will be an undoing — we need to keep reminding ourselves that we are not doing anything.
Now meditation has broken a window into the falsity — we are now looking into our own self: our own reality. One is now looking into one’s own mirror. Look at the mirror, accept whatever is visible, remain with the fact — that is our reality. By remaining with the fact, one will change — that will not be our doing, it will just happen!